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CRACK MEME PLZ

So, we all know the infamous Phoenix Wright Kink Meme. Epic-ness ensued. But what about our crack-related cravings? Our less prominent pairings? What about such nutty needs disguised as annoying alliterations?

Well, that's just what I was thinking.

Therefore:

The Phoenix Wright Crack Meme!!!1!!1!1111onEONEOne!!!

Which Means:

You must anonymously post one CRACK[*] pairing and one prompt [anything from "candles" to "ripped bags of coffee beans spilling out over Ron DeLite's head".]

To fill a request out, reply to the comment of the selected prompt also anonymously with your interpretation of the preposterous pairing and prompt!

All rating, length, and genres are acceptable!


For Reelz Rules

◊ [*]Crack pairings only. This means no canon or mainstream pairings. So, as much as we love a good old Miles/Phoenix, Franziska/Adrian, or heck, even a Ron/Dessie, this is to let our crack-ish creative juices flow.

◊ Make sure you're posting anonymously!

◊ If someone's already filled out a request that really inspires you, feel free to fill it out also!

◊ Keep the drama out of here. All we want here are pairings, prompts, filled out requests, and the occasional "OMFG SQUEE YOU ROCK <33333 HART HART LULZ". We want none of that "U SAWK. THAT PAIRING IS DERANGED. GO DIAF". It's your fault for clicking.

◊ If you request, try filling one out for lulz! It's like if you take a little, give a little back. The spirit of the holiday season! 8D

GO FORTH AND SPREAD CRACK~!
EDIT: Thanks to aprilechidna5, we now have a crack meme archive! :D Over here!

Comments

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(Anonymous)

Will Powers/Pearl Fey

Prompt: Bunnies

(I'm going to hell for that pairing.)

(Anonymous)

"I've always wanted a bunny."

The small, white and gray rabbit was huddled in the corner of a wood chip lined cage in the pet store. Pearl was presently pointing her index finger at the sleeping animal.

"They're really... furry."

The rabbit's ears perked up a bit as Pearl gasped and folded her hands together in excitement. "It moved! It's awake!"

Will looked down at Pearl and smiled weakly at her. "Do- do you really want one?"

Pearl, looking a little forlorn now, peered up at the man standing beside her. "Would it be a burden?"

He chuckled quietly and held out his hand for her to clutch onto. She half-smiled back at him and put her hand in his. He lead a slightly crestfallen Pearl away from the cage, but as they progressed towards the exit, Pearl looked up at him. "I don't really need a bunny anyway," she commented. "Your hand is furry enough."

(Anonymous)

Matt Engarde/Ron Delite

Prompt: Candy

(Anonymous)

Writer here!

I've got it half written. I did it at work. Will complete soon and post. :3

(Anonymous)

Ron DeLite/Franziska

Earthquake

(You can only imagine my initial thoughts of this pairing...)

(Anonymous)

The earth shuddered. Wobbled. Grumbled.
And Ron DeLite's girlish squeals could be heard within a five mile radius.
"You're supposed to hide in a bathroom, riiiiight? Or maybe not. Isn't that during a tornado? Or maybe I should lie flat on the ground..."
Another shudder from the earth sent Ron reeling, right to the floor. Just before he hit the floor, a pair of arms grabbed him around his chest. He felt something...squishy against his back.
"Excuse me can you pleeeeeease get off of meeeeee?" wailed Ron. The arms flipped him over and he saw a strange looking woman who obviously liked the color blue too much. However, he was not too worried about her appearance at the moment because she looked exactly like a cat that just caught the mouse.
"Don't rape meeeeee!" he wailed, tears running down his face.
"Shhhh my sweet. Your cries only make this sweeter," the blue woman whispered huskily, leaning down to nuzzle his neck.
"But my Dessie--!"
"Shut up and call me Mama Franny," she ordered, now unbuttoning his shirt.
Ron DeLite sighed and said to himself (silently of course) Not again.

(Anonymous)

Edgeworth/his car. Include mufflers if you want 8D

(Anonymous)

Furio/Wocky

THUG LOVIN'S PLZ

(Anonymous)

FUCKING SECONDED.

I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING.

(Anonymous)

Shelly de Killer/Dahlia Hawthorne

Prompt: Malicious

(Anonymous)

...and when she was good...

"Eyes closed."

She hadn’t said a word since arriving, all red hair and soft smiles and china-doll hands, white and porcelain, oh-what-an-honor-indeed…

Her hair came down before too long, falling to just below her shoulders and messying itself in his fingers; her eyes remained closed as long as he wanted them to.

He parted her lips with gloved fingertips just to feel her exhale.

...she was very, very good...

"You should smile more, Shelly."

She looked vaguely entertained as he quirked an eyebrow. She had taken an interest in his monocle lately, borrowing it without asking and toying with it between her fingertips. He frowned as she did so - hadn’t she asked? Maybe it was a subtle asking, without being voiced aloud –

He disliked the sudden lapse in memory.

"What’s wrong? Are you angry?"

He didn’t smile. "Not with you, my dear."

...but when she was bad...

"Dare I ask?"

She loosened her fingertips and allowed the chain to unravel, twisting its way downward, its slight burden carried with it to dangle inches from his chest.

"Death," she said simply. The smile gracing her features didn’t fade; instead, it twisted.

...she was horrid...

She liked to trace the stitches barehanded, fingertips to face, and though he was accustomed to pain something in her skin burned.

He didn’t move from his position in the chair. Her legs straddled his; the white dress of hers lied.

"Come now, Shelly," she said quietly. "Don’t expect too much of me. I’m just a young college student, mmm? What’s a little curiosity now and then?"

He told her to silence herself.

It wasn’t much; her cold smile and the ice in her eyes spoke more than the words ever would.

But the best trait about her was that at the very least – the very, very least, she knew when to keep that precious mouth of hers shut.

(Anonymous)

Ema/Regina

alcohol

<_< make it dirty

(Anonymous)

Dahlia/Phoenix

Prompt: Back from the dead. Consensual.

(Anonymous)

DAHLIA

CONSENSUAL

I'm sorry but this is liek. liek. liek asking for uke!Gant WHICH I KNOW HAS HAPPENED BEFORE BUT

i guess that's why this is the crackmeme owell I'm sure you'll find someone op :\

(Anonymous)

Gant/Franziska he calls her "Junior" and discusses activities that he has taken part in which involved her Papa and little brother.

(Anonymous)

"So, Junior."

"My name is Franziska, you fool."

Gant grinned wickedly and clapped his hands together once. "Franny is too formal for me, you see. I want us to be close... Junior."

Franziska's eyebrows arched and she grit her teeth. She was really in no position to argue. Her knees were perched on Damon's lap, and he was petting her chin with one hand while his other arm was bent and hanging over the side of the couch. He reminded her of a smug strip club owner.

"As I was saying... so, Junior. I remember when Edgey was just as frightened as you..."

"Frightened?" Franziska breathed, trying to remain calm and collected.

There was a long pause. Gant stared off into space and Franziska resisted the urge to slap him across the face to wake him up.

At last, he spoke. "Yes! Yes, petrified, and all of that." His voice was so loud it made Franziska twitch involuntarily. "But he sure got used to it." When he said used, he started stroking her chin a little faster. Franziska gulped.

"Your Papa did, too, you see. Manny was a brave man," Gant recalled. Franziska noted how she was starting to shake. "Don't you want to be brave like your Papa?"

Franziska said nothing. She was clearly shaking now, trying to look over Gant's head instead of into his stony stare.

Gant's satisfied smile faded. "Well, then. Shall we go swimming?"

(Anonymous)

Pearl Fey/Cody Hackins

Prompt: Cosplay

(Anonymous)

The Heroic Samurai

Pearl had never seen so many people moving around so excitedly before. This place was even more crowded than the circus and courthouse combined! And somewhere hidden among the throngs of people, was Mystic Maya. Somewhere. But Pearl didn't know where. The last thing she heard Mystic Maya say was something about "gold-plated limited edition holofoil", and Pearl didn't even know what half those words meant!

Pearl couldn't help the tears brimming over in her eyes. She wandered the floor of the convention, getting jostled roughly by people either too tall or too busy to notice her. The quaint kimono she had so lovingly helped Mystic Maya sew together was getting wrinkled and uneven. She couldn't stand it anymore. Her eyes shut tight and her mouth open wide, she started to bawl. She couldn't help it.

"HEY!"

She hiccupped and stared wide-eyed at a tiny Nickel Samurai, not much taller than her. His mask was pulled back over the top of his head, an expensive digital camera dangled around his neck, and he was holding a Samurai Dog instead of a Samurai Spear, but she at least recognized that he was the Nickel Samurai.

"W-W-Watch where you're goin'!" the Nickel Samurai told her.

Pearl's eyes filled with tears again and her lip quivered. The Nickel Samurai did a double-take. "Ack! S-S-Sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!"

Pearl just sobbed.

The Nickel Samurai gawked. This loudly crying girl was the last thing he'd expected to see here today, but... He scratched his head. Obviously, she needed the help of a great defender of justice such as himself!

"Uh. You're supposed to be Miss Sayo, the tea lady, right?" he asked.

Pearl sniffled and nodded. Mystic Maya had been very clear about that much. Pearl didn't really understand it but had sworn to at least memorize the name of the character she was dressed up as.

"I-I'm the Nickel Samurai!!" the Nickel Samurai announced, "I swear I'll protect you with my life, Miss Sayo!!!"

Pearl stared wide-eyed. That's right...Wasn't Miss Sayo the Nickel Samurai's Special Someone...?

She wiped her tears away and sniffled. "Y-You will...?"

"Of course! For great justice!!"

For the first time since being separated from Mystic Maya, Pearl smiled. "Th-Thank you... Nickel Samurai!!"

The Nickel Samurai wiped the grease off his free hand and extended it. Pearl shyly accepted it. The Nickel Samurai grinned and Miss Sayo blushed.


Meanwhile, the Pink Princess was stalking a certain Steel Samurai. He'd gotten to the gold-plated limited edition holofoil before she had, and he was going to pay!!

(Anonymous)

Ron/Larry

Prompt: Make it adorkable! :B Ron/Larry/Dessie would be gleeful, too. <3

(Anonymous)

Art

"Um, you know, I'm not sure about this, I'm not really very good at staying still and I don't really feel comfortable with this and I hope Dessie doesn't mind..."

It was with these words that Ron Delite, amidst much blushing and stammering, cheerfully had his shirt pulled over the top of his head while he clutched his bare chest protectively.

"Hey, don't worry about it, buddy! All the great painters did nudes, and no one got in trouble when they did it! And I'm a great painter, so that's fine, right?!"

"Umm... I guess so?"

After even more blushing, he finished stripping, grabbed the white sheet and curled up on the red sofa, pulling it over his head hastily.

"H-Hey! You aren't supposed to be completely covered!"

"Ooops... But... I'd still be nude so wouldn't it still be OK..."

"NO!"

Stammering his apologies, Ron consented to half uncover himself, and Larry began painting, with much thumb pointing and humming. Meanwhile, it was quite cold in the room and Ron shifted around, anxious to get out. After a long, tortuous hour, the first sketch was finally done, and Ron wrapped the sheet back around himself in relief.

"HEY! Don't you even want to look?!"

"Oh! O-ok, then..."

What he saw made him blush all over again, because Larry hadn't drawn the sheet in, just rough approximations of legs. When questioned, he just grinned.

"Yeah, you do that after. Apparantly. 'Sides, you're a model now! And everyone knows models have great legs, right?"

"Um." was his only response.

"Even if they are a bit like a girls'. You're really like a girl anyway, though. A pretty one!"

"Um."

"So, can you come again?"

"...Um... yes?"

"Great! At least I'll have something to look at when I draw!"

Ron had no answer to that. So he grabbed his clothes and ran, deciding not to tell Dessie about this. Ever.

(Anonymous)

Jean Armstrong/Ron DeLite

Prompt: The zombie apocalypse

(Anonymous)

Jean Armstrong loved his restaurant with all of his heart.
He had vowed to himself that he would never close Tres Bien, no matter how bad his debt got or how empty the restaurant was all the time. Sometimes, when he felt the pangs of sadness even more than usual over his beloved, yet empty restaurant, he would soulfully gaze at the rose he always carried on his person. Inhaling the sweet scent of the petals, Armstrong told himself to hold his chin up high and believe in himself. Surely, one day the populace would appreciate his fine cuisine and they would line up in droves to eat the famed Twin T lunch set.

Armstrong rested his head sadly upon one of his beautifully decorated tables, ready to close up for the day. The last rays of sunset played beautifully on his well-oiled, waxed arms.
An urgent knocking came at the door. Well, more of a pounding really, so desperate the glass panes of the delicate French door shattered.
Armstrong trembled, deeply moved. This was surely the day! Customers this desperate could only mean that they had heard of the Twin T lunch set and were dying to come try it!
He giggled in girlish glee as he skipped to the door. "Perdon, but je suis afraid that le Twin T set is only available at le lunchtime—EEEEEEEEK!”
An earsplitting scream burst from his clenched teeth as he smelled the terrible aura of his prospective customers. Terrible, tres terrible! Their bodies must have been pumped full of toxins, from eating who knew what kind of terrible foods. Well, Armstrong couldn’t allow people like that into his restaurant. He dipped into the kitchen and emerged with an armful of slender blue aromatherapy bottles.
As Armstrong poured vial after vial of sweet-smelling oil upon the droves of moaning people, he noticed that they were rather grey. He frowned. It was unthinkable, the kind of abuse most people’s skin took! He took particular pride in his own rosy cheeks and shiny skin.
Hmm, the crowd of grayish stinking people seemed to have rather dull eyes as well. Almost yellow looking… as were the teeth of their gaping mouths.
A particularly muscular grey person tore the entire door off its frame.
Suddenly, Armstrong wasn’t so sure that they were here for the Twin T set, or any of his food at all.
“…brains…” moaned the zombies as one.
Armstrong shrieked with horror. What a horrible end for a young maiden to face!
“Please stop iiiiiiiiiit!!!” a wail came from behind the horde of zombies. Someone was battling his way through the zombies, running scores of them over on a motorcycle that looked a bit too large. A face came into view, and Armstrong’s heart stopped.
His first thought was that this savior would have made an excellent waiter for Tres Bien, as the uniform would have complimented him perfectly.
His second thought was that he had one of the nicest auras Armstrong had ever smelled, especially compared to that of the zombies.
“Come here, mon hero!” Armstrong scooped the slender figure into his arms and buried his face in those cinnamon bun curls, inhaling the sweet scent deeply.
“Je will make le new line of perfume based on your lovely aroma!” Armstrong beamed at the young man in his arms, who had gone rather wobbly.
“This isn’t the time to be thinking about that! And I’m sure I don’t smell that good…
The horde of zombies surged forward and threatened to crush them.
“PLEASE STOOOOOP!!!” Ron DeLite screamed hysterically, clawing at Armstrong’s chest in panic.
Armstrong gasped as the tight pink shirt burst from his body, revealing his perfectly waxed, gleaming pale pink skin that stretched over huge muscles and a rather prominent belly...
The zombies shrieked as their eyes melted, steam issuing from the dreadful yellow sockets. The heads of those unfortunates close enough to see the monstrous man's quivering pink nipples simply exploded.
Ron DeLite had been curled up in a shivering little ball the whole time, eyes screwed tightly shut.
"You saved us!" he opened his eyes once Armstrong had replaced his outfit.
"Je can be a strong woman when le time calls for it," Armstrong coyly smiled at the young man, who squirmed uncomfortably. "But now, je believe you owe moi le sample of your scent!"
"Please STOOOOOOOOP!!"

(Anonymous)

Yanni Yogi/The Judge.

Prompt: Problems "getting it up."

(Anonymous)

I SECOND THIS REQUEST

(Anonymous)

Missle the Police Dog And Polly the Parrot.

and the Prompt is the Blue Badger.

I'd love to see somebody take on that XD

(Anonymous)

Omg best idea EVER~!

Uhm... I feel so BAD for this! But, you know, someone mentioned they misunderstood my request on the kink meme about Apollo being Polly?

Weeeell...

Polly the parrot/Apollo.

Misunderstandings.

=DDDD

(Anonymous)

I WILL DO but by GS4 Polly the parrot would be dead so it's gonna be YOUNG!Apollo/Polly

(Anonymous)

Ema/Edgeworth

Prompt: Sexual In-nuuuu-end-o?

(Anonymous)

Does this have to have sex 'cause if not I could probly get it by the end of the week :3

(NOT LIKE OP IS STILL CHECKING THIS OR ANYTHING PROBABLY HAHA)

(Anonymous)

Trilo, sick of being 'poor', decides to whore Ben out. To who, I'll leave up to anon, but for some reason my first thought was either Will or Grossberg. I don't know wtf.

(Anonymous)

Aiga Hoshiidake x Luke Atmey.

prompt: 'I just want love'

(because this is totally the otp to end all otps okay)

(Anonymous)

Writing this right now.

And should be finished sometime tonight. This is my new second-favorite Atmey pairing. <33

(Anonymous)

HEY GUYS.

I'll archive this if you want?

http://aprilechidna5.livejournal.com/18309.html?style=mine is where I've posted it.

If it ends up being easier than I expect, I might have a go at the unfinished stuff, too...

(Anonymous)

WOO!

Thank you. :D

(Anonymous)

Godot/Ron

"You only get one chance to be a man!"

(Anonymous)

Gant/Shoe (Matt's cat)

needs to include: invisible burgers

(Anonymous)

Gant X Pearls

Prompt: playing dressup

(Anonymous)

Pearl bit her lip, as her new friend brushed out her hair. She'd met him not far from the Detention Center (where there seemed to be a lot of commotion going on) and he remarked that he was about to take his tea, and would be honored should a sweet young lady such as herself join him. Well. She knew she wasn't supposed to talk to strangers, but he said he knew Mister Nick and Mister Edgeworth, and talked about them with familiar sounding pet names, so it was all right, wasn't it?

There had never been such a tea spread back home in the Village like this gentleman had on his table, plates after plate of scones and pastries and finger sandwiches. For a moment Pearl was ready to emulate Mystic Maya and tuck into a creampuff weighted down with a giant strawberry, when instead she was ushered politely yet firmly away. He led her to a small room with a large closet, full to bursting with the prettiest dresses Pearl had ever seen.

"A lady dresses for tea," announced her playmate, going through the contents of the closet. He politely turned his back and set aside some dresses while she changed into one she rather liked. It was a teal velvet, trimmed with lavender frills. After putting it on she found herself swept up into her new friend's lap, where he released her hair from its intricate knot, letting it fall in a golden brown veil over her shoulders. He finished brushing her hair, patting her head gently and letting her down again.

"All set, Pearly. You look ravishing."

She went to the mirror at the opposite wall of the room; her hand flew up to her mouth in surprise as she looked at her reflection. She did a little turn, the skirt swirling around her ankles. It was beautiful... She looked fondly at her companion, whose orange chiffon dress was just as elegant as hers, froofy and trimmed with frills of black ribbon. His snowy white hair barely touched the plum-colored mantle draped across his broad shoulders.

"There! We're a stylish pair of ladies now," she said cheerfully, smoothing out a wrinkle on the gentleman's bouffant skirt. "We're ready for our tea party."

"Aren't we, Pearly?" Damon Gant chuckled. "It is a pity one shouldn't swim on a full stomach, isn't it?" he added, smiling wryly as only he could, his green eyes narrowed. Then he clapped his hands loudly once and declared, "No matter! Now let us enjoy that sumptuous spread!"

(Anonymous)

Phoenix/Edgeworth + Bottle of Rum

Prompt: Phoenix is drunk and starts confessing to a bottle of rum, thinking it's Edgeworth. Edgeworth is flabbergasted (he can think Phoenix is an alcoholic, and maybe send him to the AA)

(Anonymous)

OOPPS!!! Made a mistake! (was requesting for another kink)

Change to Phoenix/Jean Armstrong + Rum.(sorry for the mistake)

(Anonymous)

Manfred von Karma/Maya channeling Mia, who tops him hard.

Prompt is Annie, Get Your Gun. IF YOU HAVE HEARD THE SONG YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

(Anonymous)

Apollo/Wocky. Internet dating.

(Anonymous)

It started innocently enough. His dear mother, worried about the wellbeing of her son (and his love-life), had taken it upon herself to get him to try meeting girls in a different way. Instead of talking face to face, it'd be through the dim light of a computer moniter and the clacks of the keyboard.

Wocky met some girls through the chat, though they turned out to be too young, too bubbly, or just plain weird. Koume just clucked at him, "It takes time to find that special someone. That was how it was with your father...."

This was how a Wednesday night found him, zoned out in front of his laptop, pondering how fast his T1 connection would take to download certain materials. A beep happily chirped that someone had logged into the chatroom. Checking the list, he noticed the username. "Maho-paula? Probably one of those crazed ani-moo chicks..." But he was willing to risk finding out.

:Hey
: Um, hi there. :)

Hmm, seemed nice enough. Seemed to have a grasp of the English language as well.

: So I take it you like anime?
: Not really. My younger sis chose the name for me. I still need to get her back for it. She only chose it because it had to do with magic.
: lol I'm glad i'm an only child. No nosy siblings looking through my stuff.
: Yeah. At least she didn't give me something to do with birds like h00ter-chicka.

He snickered to himself. This internet dating thing might be worth it.

---------------------
POSSIBLY MOAR TO COME.
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